Every year: Wow I was so stupid last year.
How I view dogs: Beagle, German Shepherd, Poodle, Maltese, Labrador. How I view cats: Cat, cat, cat, cat.
I like to send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your
number. Can I have it again?" Just to see who`s dumb enough.
That awkward moment when you don`t know how to smile when someone is taking a picture.
When someone says “I love you” and you don`t feel the same, just say “I love YOUTUBE” Damn fast.
That awkward moment when you are actually pulling a push door.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan?
That sexy turtle face you do when you think you`re gonna sneeze but you end up not doing it
The awkward moment when someones voice doesn`t match their appearance.
That awkward moment when Santa leaves the price tag on your presents.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD MORE STATUSES
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD MORE STATUSES
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It
has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes
a bar for the remaining 50.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 13:01pm
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 13:01pm
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 13:01pm
It
turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist's
finger before she stops believing that you're doing it accidentally.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 13:01pm
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 13:00pm
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can't believe they haven't paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 12:59pm
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 12:59pm
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don't know who's winning
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 12:58pm
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 12:58pm
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don't drink "You wanna be cool don't you?" I don't drink "C'mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 12:58pm
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they're way too big for him.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 12:57pm
You know you're drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 12:57pm
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 11:59am
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world's most wanted
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Sunday, 01.26.14 @ 00:15am
I'd feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I'd know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Posted By: John Kennedy - Category: funny status update on Saturday, 01.25.14 @ 22:42pm
That
moment when you wake up at 2 o'clock a.m and remember how crappy that
after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Saturday, 01.25.14 @ 18:39pm
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Saturday, 01.25.14 @ 18:37pm
If
watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is
wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Saturday, 01.25.14 @ 15:43pm
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update on Saturday, 01.25.14 @ 14:45pm
When
I say lol, I don't literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually
mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a
bull.
No comments:
Post a Comment