Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.
Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.
Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Your mother's so fat, when they used her underwear for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "OK"!
Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"
Your mom's so big, she plays marbles with planets.
Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.
Your mom's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.
Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.
Your mom's so fat when she took her dress to the cleaners they told her, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.
Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.
Your mom's so big, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.
Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World.
Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Your mothers so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Your mothers so fat, she's on a light diet...as soon as it gets light out she starts eating.
live stock." Yo mama so fat, were in her right now.
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
Dirty Jokes
A man and his wife go to their
honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected
on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband,
"When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was
going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I
wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits
dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she
asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if
I did a pretty good job."
As an airplane is about to crash,
a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm
going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and
asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make
me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his
shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
One morning a woman was walking
out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the
bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she
says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the
goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your
first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I
want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK,
you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second
wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too."
"My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says
"OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have
to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what
it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes
the woman up.
"Tell me," says the
man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"Fuck me", says the
man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"
The newlyweds are in their
honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she
stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his
trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't
wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't
forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers
and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those
on!"
He replies,"I can't get into
your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will
if you don't change your attitude."
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